Blondie Southside

@blondie-southside

Active 1 day, 22 hours ago
I have been separated from my husband for almost three months, and thought I had accepted the fact that he was cheating and after trying to make it work, in the end he chose someone else. Today was the first time that I had a really long phone conversation with him, and found myself trying to convince him to come home and resolve our issues […] View
  • Blondie Southside posted an update 2 years, 3 months ago

    I have been separated from my husband for almost three months, and thought I had accepted the fact that he was cheating and after trying to make it work, in the end he chose someone else.
    Today was the first time that I had a really long phone conversation with him, and found myself trying to convince him to come home and resolve our issues again. After being married for 41 years it has been so difficult to let it go. I guess I had to let it all out and I let him know exactly how he has hurt me and his boys (grown men). I swore that I would not let him know how I was doing but I couldn’t help myself I had to let him know how painful this is, and that I hurt and feel his betrayal. All he could say was that he was sorry, and if he wanted to come home he would, but he can’t because he loves someone else. But still tells me he loves me. Duh! I guess I had to give it one last ditch effort to try and make him come to his senses. How stupid am I??? I knew it was over but I guess I just needed to hear it again. Why? More pain? I guess when you love someone you were married to for 41 years, then blindsided by his cheating, like I was it’s very, very hard to accept and to let go. After all the tears, sobbing and practically begging, I can FINALLY see the reality. It’s OVER!! Life goes on….Dear Lord give me the strength to continue this painful journey

    • Oh Blondie, I so feel for you, it is so hard to try to get them to see what they are loosing. The entire family will never feel whole again.
      The only thing you can do is take care of yourself and look to the next minute, then hour, then day till you get strong enough to say I am more important than him. Just make of a list of things that you are blessed with and find something to concentrate on when he comes in your mind

      • Dear Rebel,
        You are so right, he has a lot to loose but he made the choice. Only time will tell, I will take care of myself. I pray for strength and know I am blessed and loved by my children, family and friends. I have a long road ahead of me but I also know that I am a surviver! God Bless us all.

    • I did the same thing….and now a few years down the road I’m really glad I did. I can look back if I have to and say I left no stone let unturned…I tried everything…so I’m trusting God to continue to guide me and help me. And He does!

      • Dear Midnight,
        I’m hoping to get there too, I know I still have a long road ahead. Accepting it logically then accepting it emotionally is where I am struggling. I like you continue to trust God to guide me.

        • My heart goes out to you. I too am struggling. Ugh everyday I have to remind myself each day it is a choice to let go of what I thought I was married to so one day I can be my happy self again. You are definitely not alone.

    • I feel you. I have been married for 17 years, and in those 17 years, there’s lots of crying and begging for him to stay. I still want to beg one more time but I have asked for this as a sign from God. Last year was the final straw, I prayed to God and asked HIM for a last chance for our marriage to work it out and if separation issue comes up again, I’d finally let go and it did this year, same month as last year. So I guess it si time to let go even if it hurts like hell. 😢

    • Blondie, I feel your pain. I’ve been married 38 years and he left me and moved out May 1. There are so many stages we go through with the grieving process. I’ve been sad, angry, then apologize for my behavior then back full circle. After investing in all the years with the kids, homes, memories and they walk away from it all for someone else it’s a lonely place. Mine started April 5, so for 2 months and I can say that right now I can tell I’m better than last week. I’ve done stuff that I read about in the Grieving book information that’s on this site and its basically said to keep our side of the street clean. Well I haven’t done that so well. The hurt is so painful that I want him to hurt too.
      I hope you can find your footing soon and I hope he someday comes to see what a horrible mistake he’s made and you’ve moved on and get to tell him “it’s over.”

    • I am so sorry I am new and only 18 years of marriage but mine did the same and i know what your feeling please don’t think your stupid we are all doing the very best we can with what we have been delt I don’t know you but I know you are a wonderful person and deserve all the best

    • Blondie, your story sounds very much like mine. I told my husband of 42 years that he had to leave 3 months ago after I became aware that a friendship she had with a tennis partner was escalating to more than just friends. He had done the same thing 2 years before with another woman. After he left he started a physical relationship with her but at the same time asked me to hold off on doing anything permanent (divorce) although he referred to the woman as his soulmate. Yesterday he told my adult son the woman will leave her husband for mine. He didn’t even have the courage to tell me first. And despite this horrible treatment, all I have done for 3 months is think of him and how I could fix this. I’m new to the group. I need to do the readings!

    • I have spoken to my husband multiple times over the last few weeks, begging him to come back. I tell him how much I am hurting. 20 years of marriage and 20 years of infidelities. I feel so stupid even wanting him back and loving him so much. What is wrong with me?..
      I want to trust God. We are not even divorced yet, this is all so new.
      I miss him, I love him, I want him…. and he is with the new woman. I am so angry at myself for feeling this way!

      • Winnie, so sorry to read you story. Even though it is obvious that your WAS is truly a man with no conscious. I know the pain of not having them. I can tell you with time the pain will lessen and you will start to see them for what they really are, liars, cheaters and men with no value. Your feeling are all normal, so do not be angry with yourself. It all takes time, I never believed it but the tables will turn and then you will feel sorry for him. His problem, not yours. Sending you a big hug.

        BTW, if you go to the “Forum” link at the top of the page, you can start a conversation there and join all the rest if the MDR community.