Lulu Worthington posted an update 2 years, 3 months ago
I’ve been separated for about 10 months. My wasband was a good fam ily man for 31 years. He lived for his kids and me. Things weren’t always perfect. Last April he went to Aruba with his brother for 4 days. While there he met a woman who lives is Amsterdam. When he returned home, he was a different person, mean and cold towards me. He also was spending our marital assets without my knowledge, racking up about 100k of debt writing checks from our home equity line.
Getting back to the woman…. 5 days after he returned from a Aruba he flew to Amsterdam for a week. He told me he was on a business trip. As time passed he grew more and more distant. Finally a few weeks after he returned from his secret trio to Amsterdam, he told me he wanted to take a break. I was devastated and I begged him to get counseling. He refused. One day I went into his office and started to snoop around. There I found credit card statements revealing his trip to Amsterdam and he had another one planned. I also found checks he had written from the HLOC account. That night he was put out of the house. He is still with this woman. They live together in a condo we own. He has lost relationships with almost all of his family, our friends and most importantly our 2 grown sons. As my one sons said, the man he knew as his father for 30 years is gone. I can’t imagine he is truly happy. I’ll never understand how you can throw your whole life away
In an instant. I’ve only seen him once in court since this happened.
That has been the hardest part for me, I miss the companionship. We had a good life together. Two homes, 1 vacation home which I’m keeping. We had a great family, a good circle of friends. Together we built a very good life. I was replaced in the blink of an eye. I’ll never understand it.
It took my husband less than 6 weeks to evaporate 30 years. I completely get your feelings. He has written many emails finding threads of behavior to blame in our long-term relationship. He is recoloring our past experiences into a picture I no longer recognize and running, not walking, away from it. He is also in a long-distance relationship that is surviving on calls and texts. His relationship with our three boys (15, 17, 20) has altered permanently and yet, he still behaves this way.
My wasband has told people he wasn’t happy for 30 years. I don’t believe it. No one does. It’s his way of justifying his destructive behavior.
He’s told his kids… he’s running his life now. Accept it or don’t. Well, they don’t.
Wow, that’s incredibly similar. Truthfully, I was in control of many of the daily workings of our marriage especially regarding the kids and our finances. He just didn’t step up to contribute and consequently, I took on more and more. Now he is also saying that he is “in-charge” and creating something new and more focused on his needs. His romantic relationship is with a woman that doesn’t have kids. She is successful and able to spend all her time and money on herself. He wants to be the same. It’s a regression back to early twenties. Meanwhile now I have 100% of the responsibility of the kids, home, and even the pets. He wants to be free.
We only had three more years until my youngest is off to college. He just couldn’t wait.
My wasband’s girlfriend is a foreigner in this country. She can’t work, drive and do anything independently. In fact English is her second language.
My wasband always expected me to work and contribute. It was a partnership. Now it’s like he has a child, a dependent he’s taking care of.
I guess she must stroke his ego and tell him how wonderful he is. Good chance, she’s a scam artist. Too bad for him if she is.
We had a 35 year marriage and I was so sure it was a strong, good marriage that when he told me he was leaving me for his therapist I was dumbfounded. We owned a small business together and when we retired he felt lost. I suggested he see a therapist and he fell in love with her! He hasn’t spoken to our eldest daughter for two years because “she hurt him so deeply” by writing him a letter telling him just what she thought of his juvenile behavior and called the woman’s boss to complain about her actions with her dad. She is suffering so much she feels now that she doesn’t want children. Our other daughter speaks with him but her whole attitude is different (she won’t talk to me about him at all). His side of the family has cast them aside. It’s stunning the damage this divorce has brought.
I feel like Lulu, that this women knows how to stroke his ego in specific ways to pull him away from us and the lies his tells like “I wasn’t happy for the last 20 years. It’s my turn to be happy.” It’s pure selfishness and warped ego. I can’t believe I married and trusted a man so shallow. Thanks for listening.
I truly feel the man I married died. He once had morals and family values. His actions have been far reaching in his family. He is the oldest of 5. One sibling and his mother have a relationship with him. The rest do not. He had nowhere to go over the holidays so he spent Christmas with his girlfriend’s family in Amsterdam. This has fractured his tight knit family. I’ll forever be grateful for their support. I spent the holidays with his sisters. The 2 who don’t speak to him. It’s a lost cause now. The girlfriend can have him.
I often wonder if he regrets anything he’s done. I’ll never know because as my therapist says he’s gonna try like hell to make this work. What does he have left. He’s hurt so many people there’s no turning back.
I was married 41 years to what I felt was a great man with morals and values. He started cheating with a woman he sought out over the phone. Eventually said he fell in love with her. After many attempts to make it work he chose to leave. His relationship is long distance, who knows when he sees her, I don’t care.
He’s living in our 28 ft trailer in a trailer park after living in a beautiful home. After reading all the stories of the behavior of these men at least I can see that what my husband has done is quite common. What I mean is that he has become someone that I don’t even recognize. My boys, my family, our friends all say they don’t even know who he is. Everything he has done is so out of character. Leaving a 41 year marriage for a 6 month phone relationship, because “she listens to me, she is sweet, she never criticizes me”. She’s so perfect, funny that she was in a relationship while they were both cheating. Wow what a great pair of cheaters. And by now I’m sure there is more to it.
I will never understand it. We all must make the break and accept the past and move forward as painless as it is.
One day at a time, Jesus help us all. 🙏🏼 xoxo
I’m so sorry for you and your loss as well. I’ve posted my story earlier today. I’ve been with my husband for 30 years. He’s got a porn addiction and started an online affair. He felt I didn’t listen to him and one night he came home complaining about work. I told him I didn’t want to hear it and he took that and started an affair. He feels to this day it’s justified. He lives in his dads basement for the past three years. His dad won’t confront him on anything and blames our kids and me since we kicked him out. He is a completely different person. Our kids want nothing to do with him but I know in my heart that’s not right and I’ve taught my kids better. I hope he changes for their sake. I keep telling myself God going to guide us all through it. I don’t understand why someone would through away a lifetime to be with someone who flirts with you and will sleep with you. You have no idea who else they are doing this with too. Praying for all of you 😘🙏🏻
I feel just like you, replaced in the blink of eye. Bringing up things from the past, just to try and justify his bad behavior. Wanting to blame us, and say they were not happy. Geez, 41 years and never speaking up. He told me that I “opened the window of opportunity” for him because I didn’t listen to him. OMG, after 41 years I was tired of hearing the same thing over and over. My therapist told me “if you are not doing anything wrong you walk through the door, if you are cheating you crawl out the window”. Yes, he can have his new life, I only hope guilt will catch up to him one day. A man who had respect and dignity and now has none has to feel something, especially when your own children tell you they have lost all respect for you. We had a great life together too, worked hard, planned for retirement and all thrown out the window. I will never understand, just a very sad, sad, sad situation.
Far too many stories are similar to mine.
I often wonder if he regrets anything. I truly believe he was in a manic episode when he made so many destructive decisions from lying, cheating and recklessly spending money.
Now that he is out of mania, he has to have some moments of regret when he lays his head down on his pillow. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking. I would never take him back but what I wouldn’t give to know he’s sorry for what he’s done.
I’m getting ready to list our house and will be moving to an apartment near my 2 grown sons. I’m choosing to keep our summer house on the beach. We as a family had so many wonderful times there. It’s my oasis and I’m not ready to give it up. His actions have affected every part of my life. It’s so unfair. Take care.
I know, my WASbend has done so many things that are totally out of his character. We all have flaws and problems, but please come to me first is what I say. No need to cheat and lie.
He has apologized to me numerous times, to my face and in writing. He said he is so sorry and ashamed for what he has done, but just can’t stop. He says he is so sorry for hurting me.I only feel he says this to try and validate himself as a nice guy. NOT!
I told him he could not live here because of his choices and have not allowed him back into our home. I’m listing my home tomorrow and I have no idea where I am going yet. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. After listing our home, I’m going to start the divorce, I don’t want to prolong the inevitable, I need to move on.
Your are so right about their actions affecting every part of our lives and yes it is so unfair.
Stay strong. xoxo