Tara Parkside

@tara-parkside

Active 1 week, 3 days ago
Hi Sisters, I think of you often, Juno, Blondie Barnes, Emerald, Teddy and Henry particularly. You helped me so very much. I’m definitely in a new chapter of my life, and feeling alot better. Every so often, I miss wasband or the past life we had, it hurts terribly, there are tears, reflection, talking to myself, self care and prayers. My […] View
  • Tara Parkside posted an update 3 years, 4 months ago

    I had myself in a very positive place all day, getting the house emptied out, had my paper work/life logistics going well, then I opened the mail and found out they were going to stop delivering the propane because wasband didn’t pay bill, then found out my credit rating is low, then more bills he said he had paid and hadn’t. I got so scared and angry. I got things in order and will not likely freeze this winter, but I am exhausted and stressed. Sent an email about this parcel of his lies to both lawyers and him in which I detailed the situation and spoke up about what he and the girlfiend are. Oddly, I feel a little scared they will retaliate; but mostly I feel I was brave to speak the truth to my abusers. I will not be intimidated and silenced. I am so tired of being stressed out. When will this end? So tired. I fought to fix the marriage for 5 years. He is gone 8 months and I am way better than before, but I am impatient. I am supposed to begin a class tomorrow, and I don;t know if I will have the patience to sit through it now. Need to heal and get on my feet. Mid 60’s is no age to be shaken up all the time. I know he is trying to destroy me, and I can’t get used to him being so hatefultoward me. Just days before he left he was saying I was beautiful and he loves me! What a jerk. What a jerk!!!

    • Hi Tara. Good for you that you took care of everything on your own. I’ve learned never to trust the wasband for anything. My wasband too is just so hateful towards me. I was just going to write that I don’t understand why they are like that, but I think I do. I really think that my wasband is going through a crisis and blames me for everything. He says things that just aren’t true. I focused on those things and trying to convince him otherwise, but I have given up. He doesn’t see me anymore…he just sees me as some horrible person and nothing I do will convince him otherwise. So, it’s been hard but in the last few days I’ve been trying to accept that there is nothing I can do but accept. My wasband and I were buying a house. Everything was great, and then he just flipped out and said we were done. I know I will have days again where I just don’t understand why he hates me and is mean. But I will continue to believe that what I thought was real wasnt, the guy I thought I had was not real, and I want real. So, I definitely don’t want what I had. They are definitely jerks, and we do deserve so much more. I can’t wait to see all the good that is out there for me!

      • I think my wasband has dementia and is using drugs, curtesy of girlfiend. I am just trying to do self care today. Daughter moved across country, largely because she is heartbroken by the shit show he is putting on. I swam today, and saw warm supportive friends which helps alot. I hope someday I will have a happy life with a decent honest man in a loving relationship.

        • Self care is key! We WILL have great lives with loving , honest men. I’m sorry about your daughter moving. But I’m glad you had support from great friends. I’ve come to realize just how important my friends are, and it’s a great feeling. I hope you feel that too.

          • Sassin, I don’t know, I just don’t know. When I look back over wasband life, I see he was doing this using and then discarding people all his life. His mother called him a liar and his brother and lifelong roomate both told me not to trust him. But I was the woman in his life for alot of years and he took care of me economically and to some extent emotionally, but there was always a emotional abuse. So it got worse and worse till he started cheating openly and telling me I should accept it! He became unbelievably cruel and continues on that path these days.
            The snow sparkled this morning. My knee hurts from cleaning to show house to realtor today.
            I like my life better without him usually, but then I get scared and feel like I need him. That’s when I need to turn to God for help, and that works way better!
            Next time, I will look into his family background and friendships to find out who he really is. Thank you for connecting.

            • OMG, Tara its that bad. OKay, yea let that guy go. You can do better, I know you can. Sassin too.
              Yea, its when we get scared it looks bad. That’s just fears’ projection which is not Truth.

    • This is my 3rd marriage. First 2 ended in divorce and each wasband dead only a few years after ( both younger than me). My children are grown now, so I am only responsible for taking care of myself this 3rd time around. But I raised six (6) children by myself on very little money. (I will have more $ to take care of just me than I had to take care of 7 people.) But for some reason there seemed to always be enough. Barely just enough down to the last tense, worrisome, nailbiting moment! But enough. Now I did without and made do and was very frugal. I didn’t get haircuts for myself for several years to save money, for example. And I am a short hair gal. I worked multiple part time jobs with very flexible schedules so I didn’t have to pay foe childcare. I got food stamps and medical assistance. But every August when those multiple big bills were due and I had saved like a miser and I was still short, somehow it just in time always worked out. It got to the point where each year we all said, It will work out! Really was pretty amazing. So why in the world would I worry now?!?! 😌