Tara Parkside posted an update 2 years, 5 months ago
Hi Sisters, I think of you often, Juno, Blondie Barnes, Emerald, Teddy and Henry particularly. You helped me so very much. I’m definitely in a new chapter of my life, and feeling alot better. Every so often, I miss wasband or the past life we had, it hurts terribly, there are tears, reflection, talking to myself, self care and prayers. My relationships with my children are healing! I had almost died of a broken heart from what he did to my relationships with my children, but God, time and love work. I pray often for you and all the mdr sisters. I also thank God for Suzy. I’ve been in a friendship with romantic overtones with a new man. He lives far away, but we have some common interests and opinions. He sends me little gifts and books, and he makes me laugh! He says I’ve made him very happy! However there are moments I get so frustrated and angry that he is not my wasband. We don’t have the history of years of partnership, passion, children and love. So, I am not sure I will be able to take the relationship to the next level. The pandemic has that kind of activity on hold anyway, so its academic. 32 years is a lifetime. But why should I consign myself to solitude because my wasband threw me away? I’d love to hear how you all are progressing.
This is so nice to read, thank you for your gratitude. I know what you mean about a new man, starting a relationship when you have so much history with your wasband. The only thing that got my head in gear with that was looking at it as a whole new book of life. Close the old book. Start a new one Tara. You deserve to be loved.
Hi Skyla, I like the idea of a whole new book. Sunday, I meeting my son and daughter in law for a distanced walk at our local park. They were late and I was sort of wandering around letting my dog stretch his legs, when in the distance I saw man who looked like my wasband. As I got closer, I saw his movements were like wasband and his dog resembled the whore’s dog. I thought maybe my son had arranged for us to run into each other because wasband wanted to see me. As I got close enough to really him, it wasn’t him. My heart just fell; again. It seems I associate being with my children with being with my wasband. Will that ever end? Its such a horrible dynamic. When my son and daughter in law did arrive, I was feeling distracted and unhappy. Its so wrong. They are a dear couple and I thank God daily for both of them.
Hey hey Tara! I am happy to hear that you have been feeling a lot better. Weird, I was just thinking of you and the above mentioned others! It’s been a while since I have posted. My divorce is almost finalized and I am feeling considerably better. I am no longer in that 24/7 grief I thought would never end. Facing my life alone( I too have been dating but the pandemic interrupted that for me as well), I feel scared of all of the things I have to deal with that he did. Especially finances. But, I’m kinda used to “feeling the fear and doing it anyway” as these last 10 months seems to have been a crash course in that. My biggest concern relationship wise is to not pick the same type of guy again. 🤮. I appreciate so much all the support that you and the other mdr ladies have given me. It’s a truly amazing group. Thanks so much for reaching out. I would love to stay in touch and hear how you progress,etc . ❤️Henry
Hi Henry! About not picking the same type of guy again…the ‘new guy’ seems very different, more literary, verbal, gentlemanly. BUT…he is fat! Wasband was very athletic, played tennis with men half his age and won blah blah blah. I’ve struggled to stay in shape, but am carrying 30 pounds I could do without.
So I feel like the message is that wasband probably saw my weight similarly to how I am seeing the new guys- a huge turnoff. Okay, I get the idea and have redoubled my weight loss efforts. But really? How superficial am I? or am I? Furthermore, he lives far away. He is excited about visiting later this summer, I am terrified. I am a vegetarian, he eats alot of meat, he has six kids from three marriages! He is an atheist. One thing this divorce has made very clar to me is God’s importance to me. So I think, okay, he is not the right man for me. Still he keeps texting and I am
triggered by the whole thing. I have very mixed emotions, am afraid to let go of such a pleasant experience, but I think that is how “dating” works. You get to know a person, and you find out whether you are compatible for the next level.
I’ve been kind of backing off from long texting sessions, and he said last night he misses them. I’m going to have to say something to him about where I am at soon.
Hey Tara, I agree that this is how dating works….you need to take your time getting to know him, and yourself in terms of your preferences and bottom lines. I think the quarantine is a difficult time to make decisions in budding relationships….maybe give it a bit more time to unravel your mixed emotions. Xoxo. Keep us posted. Henry
Hi Tara, I’m so glad you’re still “seeing” your engaging man! So he’s fat, just more to love!
Good to hear from you! He is very unhappy about his weight, he refuses to send me a picture of himself! I am filled with fear and trepidation often. I’ll be sailing along having fun talking to him, then I just feel removed from the conversation. sigh…time will tell.
I am scared for your emotional state. You have created a dating persona through texting but you listed several turnoffs about the new person. If they are turn offs now, I can’t see how they will ever be turn on’s. Don’t sell yourself short just to have someone to date. This is a new chapter in your life and you do not have to settle. You can have a man who has all the qualities you want and deserve it may just take a bit longer to find him. It’s all about you now, decide what you are looking for and with God in your heart and the wind at your back, soar.
Hello Henry, So good to hear from you. We should all try to do a Zoom meeting one day. I’m glad you’ve found someone interesting. You deserve it after the hell you’ve been through. xoxo
How have you been? I’ve missed hearing about you. Yes, a zoom meeting would be nice. Let me know what’s been going on! XoHenry
So good to hear from you Tara! I love the way you are sounding. Also, I have started seeing a therapist that does EMDR. She is a Christian and I think it is going to be helpful to me to help me get over some grieving that is still there. I can’t wait to hear about your new adventures. I so understand what you mean about having a history with your wasband. I wonder if certain personalities care more about history. It feels very important to me.
Thank you for the update!
Good to hear from you too! I’m glad you are doing emdr. I have thought about it lately. Please read the above updates to get a sense of where I am at.
I hope all is well with your children. God Bless!